Posts Tagged ‘Results’

Season 8 Contestant Recap

May 20, 2009

In what is becoming a yearly tradition, I will now attempt to share my thoughts on each of the Season 8 contestants with you.  This is clearly not going to be my finest work, as I can barely remember what I had for dinner, never mind the names and something about each contestant.  As always, I’ll give it my best.  55%.

Starting at the bottom:

Jorge Nunez – We barely knew yee.  Initially it looked as though Jorge had what it takes to go the distance.  I’m not sure what happened here.  It’s possible that the entire Schneider family watched a YouTube clip of Jorge singing something so incredible that it forced us all to put him at the top.  Either way, he sucked, and probably deserved to get voted off first.

Jasmine Murray – I swear to God I’ve never seen this chick before.  I honestly have nothing to say about her as a person, performer, or anything.  She did manage to fuck up my pool though, as her and Jorge were voted off at the same time.

Alexis Grace – You sexy little bitch.  Did anyone happen to see her in those tight black pants tonight.  I think she was sneaky the hottest female contestant of the season.  And I’m not even sure she’s that bad of a singer.  Clearly better than at least one other female.  I think America got this one wrong.

Michael Sarver – When I first did my picks this year, I thought that Michael was the one whose wife had just died.  Because of this, I threw him some sympathy points, and had him slated to finish a bit higher than 10th.  Turns out, Michael’s wife is alive and healthy, and he’s just not that good.

Megan Corkrey – Apparently America decided Megan, arm tattoos and all, was the hot chick of the season.  It’s a shock she made it to number 9.  Although, now that I think about it, I think Carly Smithson (of season 7) had an arm tattoo and made it pretty far.  Maybe these are popular in middle America?

Scott MacIntyre – Scottyyyyy.  My Man.  A couple things about Scott.  First, if you just saw the guy on the street, no guide dog or anything, would you even know he was blind?  I don’t think so.  The kid moves just a little too well for a fully blind guy.  I’m guessing it’s like 95% blind.  Still, incredibly impressive this season.  Second, I think Scotty got a bad rap from a couple of the judges for rocking the piano every time.  Hmmm, it’s not like any successful musicians play their songs behind the piano.  That always pissed me off.  What’s he supposed to do?  MC Hammer style dances up there?

Lil Rounds – I discussed Lil at length this season, with such posts as “Syesha / Lil / Whitney.” Lil was ok, and she could sing, but no offense and no racial-ness at all here, (Editors note: I just deleted the rest of what I wrote here.  After I read it back, it read incredibly racist even though that wasn’t my intent, so I deleted it.  Now you’ll never know what I had to say about Lil.)

Anoop Dog – For some reason, I like Anoop’s vibe.  I thought he was a sharp dresser, and could sing reasonable well.  I think he made it about 1 spot too far.  But all in all, I think America got this one right.

Matt Giraud – Well, it seems like we’re getting on this trend where there’s a contestant that looks like Justin Timberlake, kind of sounds like him, but just really isn’t as good as him.  Unfortunately for Matt, he was doomed from the start, as people immediately connected him to JT.  JT is great.  Good singer, excellent performer, and suprisingly a talented sketch comedy actor (I suggest you watch this or this if you’re not sure what I’m talking about).  Matt is a good singer, but lacks everything else.  Still made it longer than I would have thought.

Allison Iraheta – Eh.  Allison never did it for me.  Maybe it was the fact that she’s 16.  Maybe it’s the red hair.  Maybe it’s the Janis Joplin but not as good as Janis Joplin voice.  I don’t know.  Something just wasn’t jiving here.  Oh, and did I mention that I think she could kick my ass?  Yeah, that’s a turnoff for me.

gokey4Danny Gokey – In addition to my Michael Sarver mix-up, I also had a slight Danny Gokey mix-up.  I’m not ashamed to admit that I thought Gokey was the blind guy.  Come on, doesn’t he look like he could be a blind guy?  No?  really?  Hmm.  Well, Gokey actually proved to be quite good.  Some would argue that it was he, not Kris, that should have been in the final.  I think I’m actually in that camp.  The final 2 people should be able to sing like a motherfucker.  Gokey had that.  I’d look for him to be pretty successful as a recording artist.

adam2elvisAdam Lambert – What can I say about Adam?  On a professional level, the kid is incredible.  It’s been well documented on this blog that certain Idol Pool members have scary obsessions with Adam (Gelles, I’m talking to you).  I’m just throwing this out there, but is it possible that Adam is the lovechild of Elaine Sandler and Elvis Presley?  Think about it.  It makes sense.  From a personal level, Adam will always be special to me.  It’s because of him that this blog has been visited well over 27,000 times this season.  The post with his pictures alone has seen just under 20,000 hits.  And yes, I’m an idiot, and didn’t make a penny off of it.  There’s this little company out there that lets you put ads on your site and get paid when people click them.  I never did it.  I’m an idiot.

And the 2009 American Idol, Kris Allen –  Totally improbable.  It wouldn’t surprise me at all if any/all of the following things happen:

1) Adam and Kris go out for a beer.  Adam kills Kris.

2) Kris and hot wife girl are divorced within 6 months.  As I discussed with Barry last night, normally I would have said 3 months, but since she’s hot I doubled it.

3) Kris never puts out an album (I think Ste suggested this)

4) Adam kills Kris.

5) Elaine kills Kris.

Well, that’s my season recap.  Hope you’ve enjoyed the pool/blog this year.  I’m planning on taking a hiatus from blogging for a few months.  Who knows when my next post will appear.  I guess you’ll just have to check back here every day to find out.

Oh, and as for the results, congratulations to Emily Reiff.  Emily wasn’t in the top five of the pool a single time this season until tonight.  Well guess what?  That’s all that matters.  Also, congrats to Elyssa Slater (2nd place) and to my wife, Elyssa, for coming in dead fucking last.  She’s a smart girl, she saw the writing on the wall early on that she wouldn’t be able to win back to back seasons.  So when that wasn’t an option, she decided to go for the next best thing…last place.  She’s like Ricky Bobby…”You’re either first or you’re last.”  Well done.

Till next season.


TiVo Assisted Results Blog

May 13, 2009


10:36 About to start watching the results show.  Shocked no one has blown it for me yet.

10:37 Ben Stiller is an actor.  Bill Hader.  Also an actor.  Hank Azaria.  Actor/Bart Simpson.  Fat kid from Superbad.  Fatter than I remembered.  Hader and Superbad kid are hilarious.  Glad I didn’t FF this part.

10:39 FF through the judges.  Pretty sure we know who they are at this point.

10:39 FF right through those stupid Ford commercials.  Here’s how Ford should turn around their business.  Hmmm.  Let’s start by NOT spending a billion dollars a year on advertising on American Idol and maybe instead put that money into R & D.  Big fan of the Ford Fusion, but I’m not buying one.  Sorry.  Who is this chick on stage?  Who is this dude from Rowanda?  I’m confused.  See, TiVo isn’t all fun and games.  It’s confusing. And something tells me that’s not how kids in Rowanda dress.  Pretty sure they don’t have throwback Adidas sneakers.

10:42 Finally some results.  Gokey first to the stage. Did you see his lookalike that I posted yesterday?  SteGold took those pictures in case you give a shit.  Talk Talk Talk.  Let’s get to it.  FF through the trip bit.

10:44 Dim the lights.  Here we go.  Judges recap.  Yeah, Danny takes a seat.  No way anyone was going anywhere this soon.

10:45  Kris Allen.  Free cheese dip for life.  That’s something to give Gelles a hard on.  FF through the trip.  Judges recap.  Huge # of votes.  blah blah blah.  Take a seat buddy.

10:47 Jordan Sparks.  Let’s see how this goes.  I don’t like when they do new stuff.  I want to hear the shit that made them successful.  Giving this about 30 seconds.  Jordan looks good, if that’s your thing.  Funny that she was originally linked to Chris Brown.  FF.

10:49 Adam Lambert.  Not sure about the white suspenders and the Mr. Smee shirt.  FF though his trip.  Pretty sure that if I had to go “home” I wouldn’t be thanking Mr. Christiansen at good old SHS.

10:51 Dim the lights, here we go.  Judges recap.  My stomach is growling for some reason.  Adam has very white teeth.  To the couch you go.  FF.

10:52 88 million votes last night.  wow.  if that’s the case, how come only 2,000 people have visited this blog since last night?  Something doesn’t add up.  Katy Perry up.  She has huge boobs.  Think I’m gonna watch this whole performance.  Hoping for a wardrobe malfunction.  Not loving this song though.  I miss Vegas.  Due for a trip soon.  Been 11 months.  Too long.  Wonder how much flights are right now.  FF.

10:56  Finally.  Dim the lights.  Here we go.  Kris!!!  I love his wife.  I think she has fake contacts lenses with dollar signs on them.  Pretty sure I just saw that.

10:57  Danny or Adam.  I’m saying America fucked up.

10:58  Adam!!!!  I was really worried that it was going to be Gokey.  That would have been crazy.

10:58  Quick Gokey recap on TV.  Pretty psyched for the finale next week.  Think there couldn’t be too more opposite singers.  Should be really interesting.  Was just about to fast forward and TiVo cut out.  Damn you TiVo.  not that I wanted to watch Gokey sing again, but I mean really.  The fucking thing cut out last year on the finale, and I won’t let that happen again!

11:00 Your results are coming shortly.  Chiiiillllll.  24 minutes start to finish.  Not bad.


Get your Results here!

Just a couple comments on the results:

1) Nice moves in the pool this week by Amy Schneider (-45), Ruth Rivard (-28), and Jess Miller (-16).  Really nailed the Gokey pick.

2) I’ve crunched the numbers.  I’ve run every possible results secnario.  If people want me to post the possible outcomes, please vote in the poll below.  I’ll make my decision on Friday.

Pulling Out the Rules Book

April 22, 2009
Somali Pirates

Somali Pirates

We’ve had to do this once before. While most of you think this Idol pool could be run just as well by a group of Somali Pirates, sadly you are mistook. There is a set of rules that governs how this pool is run. AND!!! We abide by those laws at all times. So, the results show tonight was one of those rare times where I had to consult the rules book to determine the way to score the pool. The rules clearly state:

Section 2, Rule 4A, Line 3: In the rare event that two contestants are voted of the show on the same night, those contestants shall be awarded the same finishing position, which is to be an average of the two positions being voted off.

HOWEVER!!!! Due to the Idol producers screwing with my pool this year, we had to add some crazy amendments to the Idol Pool bylaws.

Amendment 17, Paragraph 2, Line 7: With regards to Section 2, Rule 4A, Line 3, an exception may be made when the order the contestants are voted off the show is abundantly clear. In this case, the first contestant voted off shall be awarded the lowest finishing position available.

Tonight, I’m invoking Amendment 17, Paragraph 2, Line 7. Lil was clearly booted off the show first. She sucked. She’s sucked for a couple weeks. America just finally got it right. Good day Lil. Good day Anoop. Good day for Gelles, who nailed the predictions right on the head.

Get your results here!

Better Late Than Never

April 12, 2009

Get your Week 5 Results HERE!  So sorry for the delay.  Apparently they don’t have the Internet in New York.

Results delayed until after Passover

April 9, 2009

no-wifi-lgApparently not only do we not eat bread, we also don’t use wifi.  Or maybe that’s just my office.  And maybe as soon as I get some wifi action I’ll post the results.  Or maybe not.  I guess you’ll have to just keep checking the blog to find out.

In the meantime, click here!

Live from the Seder!

April 8, 2009

Grab your Hagaddah, munch your Hilel sandwich, and put that Afikomen search on hold. It’s American Idol time, live from the Passover Seder.

Lil (obviously), Anoop & Scott the bottom 3. I guess that makes sense. I’m very deep into brisket and tzemes.

Scott is out with Elijah. Peace out. About to go find the afkilomen. Results posted tomorrow or so.

My Predictions Were Correct!

April 1, 2009

asteriskNow before you all come jumping down my throat about how that’s not what I said would happen, take a second look at the Prediction post from last night.  Go ahead.  Take a look.  A little closer.  A littttttlllleee closer.  There you go.  See that ASTERISK there, yeah, that one.  Yeah, go ahead and click on that.  Nice work.

Yeah, you didn’t really think that I thought Adam, Danny & Kris were the bottom 3, did you?  And you didn’t really think that Adam was going to be voted off in 9th place, did you?  Yeah, neither did I.  And since I was too lazy last night to create some crazy web of blog posts where I secretly hid my real predictions, you’ll have to take my word that I had Anoop, Allison & Megan in the bottom 3, with Megan getting the boot.

So whilst my usual April Fool’s shenanigans on the Wife were foiled this year (past plots involved re-setting all the house clocks to force people to get up and get ready in the middle of the night and putting a rubber band around the sprayer on the faucet), I was at least able to dupe a few of you Idolers into thinking I’d lost my mind.  Pretty good p-p-p-poker face, poker face, huh?

Get the Week 4 Results HERE!

The Holy Shit I Can’t Believe How Sweaty Ruben Got Week 3 Results Post

March 26, 2009

That wasn’t the only title I came up with for this post, but it just barely edged out “The Holy Shit I Can’t Believe How Bad Smokey Wants to Bang That White Chick Week 3 Results Post”  and  “The Holy Shit Stevie Wonder Is Blind and Plays the Piano and Harmonica Like a Mother Fucker and I Can’t Do Shit Week 3 Results Post.”  Barely.  Just Barely.  Anyway…

Not much to say about this show.  Again, America proved that it’s a bunch of idiots and put Matt in the Bottom 3.  And CLEARLY Scott was better than Megan.  She’s OK looking, but just not that good.  What’s wrong with everyone?

No shock with the outcome.  Michael’s no good.  Pretty much everyone in the pool had it right.  Here are the results.  Only 1 noteable move in the pool.  Stephen Greenstein dropped 46 spots.  Apparently he was hot for Michael.  Live and learn.

Alexis Grace denied TARP bailout funds

March 18, 2009

Real shame here. If she lost the pink hair and could actually sing she might have made it. Oh well. Her performance to save herself was just awful. Maybe if she had slutted it up or something tonight Simon would have saved her. Live and learn. I’m looking for a real sexy remainder of the season from Megan. I believe she’s the only hot chick left.

Results posted here.

As Promised – Week 1 Results

March 12, 2009

Since I’m actually doing real work not just American Idol work, the recap will have to wait.  But, here are the standings after Week 1.  Congrats to Emily for holding the #1 position.  If you don’t know Emily, she’s a smokeshow who dates some idiot I work with.


By the way, did you see someone hacked the blog?  Check it out below.