In what is becoming a yearly tradition, I will now attempt to share my thoughts on each of the Season 8 contestants with you. This is clearly not going to be my finest work, as I can barely remember what I had for dinner, never mind the names and something about each contestant. As always, I’ll give it my best. 55%.
Starting at the bottom:
Jorge Nunez – We barely knew yee. Initially it looked as though Jorge had what it takes to go the distance. I’m not sure what happened here. It’s possible that the entire Schneider family watched a YouTube clip of Jorge singing something so incredible that it forced us all to put him at the top. Either way, he sucked, and probably deserved to get voted off first.
Jasmine Murray – I swear to God I’ve never seen this chick before. I honestly have nothing to say about her as a person, performer, or anything. She did manage to fuck up my pool though, as her and Jorge were voted off at the same time.
Alexis Grace – You sexy little bitch. Did anyone happen to see her in those tight black pants tonight. I think she was sneaky the hottest female contestant of the season. And I’m not even sure she’s that bad of a singer. Clearly better than at least one other female. I think America got this one wrong.
Michael Sarver – When I first did my picks this year, I thought that Michael was the one whose wife had just died. Because of this, I threw him some sympathy points, and had him slated to finish a bit higher than 10th. Turns out, Michael’s wife is alive and healthy, and he’s just not that good.
Megan Corkrey – Apparently America decided Megan, arm tattoos and all, was the hot chick of the season. It’s a shock she made it to number 9. Although, now that I think about it, I think Carly Smithson (of season 7) had an arm tattoo and made it pretty far. Maybe these are popular in middle America?
Scott MacIntyre – Scottyyyyy. My Man. A couple things about Scott. First, if you just saw the guy on the street, no guide dog or anything, would you even know he was blind? I don’t think so. The kid moves just a little too well for a fully blind guy. I’m guessing it’s like 95% blind. Still, incredibly impressive this season. Second, I think Scotty got a bad rap from a couple of the judges for rocking the piano every time. Hmmm, it’s not like any successful musicians play their songs behind the piano. That always pissed me off. What’s he supposed to do? MC Hammer style dances up there?
Lil Rounds – I discussed Lil at length this season, with such posts as “Syesha / Lil / Whitney.” Lil was ok, and she could sing, but no offense and no racial-ness at all here, (Editors note: I just deleted the rest of what I wrote here. After I read it back, it read incredibly racist even though that wasn’t my intent, so I deleted it. Now you’ll never know what I had to say about Lil.)
Anoop Dog – For some reason, I like Anoop’s vibe. I thought he was a sharp dresser, and could sing reasonable well. I think he made it about 1 spot too far. But all in all, I think America got this one right.
Matt Giraud – Well, it seems like we’re getting on this trend where there’s a contestant that looks like Justin Timberlake, kind of sounds like him, but just really isn’t as good as him. Unfortunately for Matt, he was doomed from the start, as people immediately connected him to JT. JT is great. Good singer, excellent performer, and suprisingly a talented sketch comedy actor (I suggest you watch this or this if you’re not sure what I’m talking about). Matt is a good singer, but lacks everything else. Still made it longer than I would have thought.
Allison Iraheta – Eh. Allison never did it for me. Maybe it was the fact that she’s 16. Maybe it’s the red hair. Maybe it’s the Janis Joplin but not as good as Janis Joplin voice. I don’t know. Something just wasn’t jiving here. Oh, and did I mention that I think she could kick my ass? Yeah, that’s a turnoff for me.
Danny Gokey – In addition to my Michael Sarver mix-up, I also had a slight Danny Gokey mix-up. I’m not ashamed to admit that I thought Gokey was the blind guy. Come on, doesn’t he look like he could be a blind guy? No? really? Hmm. Well, Gokey actually proved to be quite good. Some would argue that it was he, not Kris, that should have been in the final. I think I’m actually in that camp. The final 2 people should be able to sing like a motherfucker. Gokey had that. I’d look for him to be pretty successful as a recording artist.
Adam Lambert – What can I say about Adam? On a professional level, the kid is incredible. It’s been well documented on this blog that certain Idol Pool members have scary obsessions with Adam (Gelles, I’m talking to you). I’m just throwing this out there, but is it possible that Adam is the lovechild of Elaine Sandler and Elvis Presley? Think about it. It makes sense. From a personal level, Adam will always be special to me. It’s because of him that this blog has been visited well over 27,000 times this season. The post with his pictures alone has seen just under 20,000 hits. And yes, I’m an idiot, and didn’t make a penny off of it. There’s this little company out there that lets you put ads on your site and get paid when people click them. I never did it. I’m an idiot.
And the 2009 American Idol, Kris Allen – Totally improbable. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if any/all of the following things happen:
1) Adam and Kris go out for a beer. Adam kills Kris.
2) Kris and hot wife girl are divorced within 6 months. As I discussed with Barry last night, normally I would have said 3 months, but since she’s hot I doubled it.
3) Kris never puts out an album (I think Ste suggested this)
4) Adam kills Kris.
5) Elaine kills Kris.
Well, that’s my season recap. Hope you’ve enjoyed the pool/blog this year. I’m planning on taking a hiatus from blogging for a few months. Who knows when my next post will appear. I guess you’ll just have to check back here every day to find out.
Oh, and as for the results, congratulations to Emily Reiff. Emily wasn’t in the top five of the pool a single time this season until tonight. Well guess what? That’s all that matters. Also, congrats to Elyssa Slater (2nd place) and to my wife, Elyssa, for coming in dead fucking last. She’s a smart girl, she saw the writing on the wall early on that she wouldn’t be able to win back to back seasons. So when that wasn’t an option, she decided to go for the next best thing…last place. She’s like Ricky Bobby…”You’re either first or you’re last.” Well done.
Till next season.