Where to start. There’s a lot to go through this week. Let’s start at the top:
1) The performances last night were bigger hack jobs than Zaza Pachulia hacking KG. Oh, that was last week? Zaza is watching the rest of the playoffs in Tbilisi, Georgian Soviet Socialist Republic, USSR? Oh, sorry, didn’t get that memo. At least that Jason’s hack job worked better than Zaza’s. What’s that you say? It didn’t? They both were sent packing and are at home watching their respective competitions on TV? Oh.
2) There were some large swings in the pool this week. Laura dropping 14 spots? Wow. Eric trying for a last lap pass, gaining 1o spots. Too little too late. Gelles and Barry both dropping out of the Top 5. Jack Bauer is still the man.
3) Allergy season is in full swing here in Boston. Not a big deal, as long as you can take Claritin or some other form of allergy drug. Apparently the chick at Walgreens thinks I’m going to take my much needed Claritin and turn it into Crystal Meth. She would only sell me a 15 pack, and told me that was all I could buy for the month. Last I checked, there were at least 30 days in May. 30 days – 15 Claritin = 15 days were I may actually have to take Crystal Meth to prevent myself from sneezing all day and scratching my eyes out. I believe that’s the transitive property. If Claritin can be substituted for Crystal Meth, Crystal Meth can be substituted for Claritin. If you know any Meth dealers, please have them email me.
4) Most of you probably think I hang around Elyssa for her intelligence, humor, or smoking hot body. You are all wrong. It’s for her American Idol skills. If only Jess Gelles had given Syesha more of a fighting chance. This is turning into a blowout. It’s like Tiger Woods circa 1999-2001. Everyone was just playing for second place, and they all knew it and accepted it.
Results are here!